Generosity

The month of January has been a really hard one for me in the trusting God department. Whenever I feel like I have finally gotten to that point of peace, something happens to dash that feeling into a million little pieces. Mostly, I am anxious about raising money for my internship to Brussels this summer. If God wants me to be there, I will be there, I know that, but it is hard to sit back and trust for his provision. Don't misunderstand me here, I have been trying my best to fund-raise, I am not just doing nothing or saying nothing and praying for a miracle! When I logged on to my account on Monday, my heart just sunk. $100? Really? I checked the dates and settings again, reloaded the page, but still the number didn't budge. 

To be completely honest, I've been having a pity party ever since, until tonight. After our regular Wednesday Night bible study time at church, the little sister of my dear, dear friend walked up to me shyly. She sat down next to me and dumped two carefully decorated envelopes on my lap, "Aw! Thank you. Should I open them now?" I asked. She nodded eagerly in reply. I tore open the first envelope to find a hand-drawn picture of her and I holding hands. Flip it over and it reads- "I <3 Sarah". Then I tore into the second envelope, there laying neatly folded inside, a dollar bill. 

Wow. Just when I was letting myself think no one payed attention or cared, here was this six year old little girl. God showed me then, her generosity is even more powerful than a huge donation. She gave out of the love in her heart, just like the widow in the New Testament who gave her last coin to the temple. So next time when I am so quick to think, "Only $100?", I'll rethink the generosity of that. That's the faithfulness of God right there. Pushing me to realize my doubt, he replaces it with confidence. Yes. If he wants me to be there, by HIS provision I'll be there. Every little dollar is a part of his plan for me. Every little dollar counts. Every little dollar is showing me that trusting God is what this is all about. 

I read this in my Bible Study devotion this week, "Is God's glory my purpose rather than my own agenda and convenience?" (Transformed: Life-taker to Life-giver) 

Prayers are definitely appreciated as I move forward in repentance and faith in this fundraising adventure. This is still something I struggle with daily, but by the grace and mercy of God I will work towards curing it. Thanks to all who have been following on this journey with me, I know there are still great things in store ahead!